Perhaps I have Miscalculated

Written by Michelle Lester Bell May 09, 2011

First thing:  I am currently taking 15 credit hours.  In an accelerated semester (approximately 10 to 12 weeks, depending on the class).  This is, perhaps, a mistake.  I am taking a CNA course (the fail is palpable), an Anatomy and Physiology class (with cadavers!), medical terminology, and developmental psychology.  Luckily, I have a minimal load of doula clients and a very understanding partner.

 Anatomy of Gummy Bear

Second thing:  That picture above was shown in my A&P lecture.  I may have the most awesomest teacher ever.  I also “whoo”ed when she started talking about dissection.  She looked at me and informed me that I was now her favourite student.  I suspect this will be awesome.

05.09.2011 // Leave a comment // Continue Reading »

Rights are for all, Part 2.

Written by Michelle Lester Bell April 25, 2011

I’ve been watching this story with horror and disbelief, as it’s unfolded over the last week or so.  Here’s a recap for those not playing along at home:

Catherine Ferguson Academy, which is located in Detroit Michigan, is a secondary school (one of four in the nation) designed specifically for young teen women who are pregnant and/or parenting.  The young women at this school are from low socio-economic backgrounds and are at the bottom of the privilege pile.  They are officially a part of the Detroit Public School system, and were threatened with closure last year.  The community successfully stopped closure and had this last school year.  With the expanded powers that the Michigan House and Senate voted to approve and Snyder signed into law, the EFM that has held power over the Detroit Public School system received expanded power.  With that expanded power, Bobb has decided to shut down CFA, giving them the option to become a charter school if they’d like to open their doors in the fall (which has a whole host of hot button issues of its own).

I’m finding it really difficult to be coherent about this, so I’m going to tell you to go read Angi Becker Stevens and her account of the arrests that took place on April 15th:  “The rights of young women to an education are not expendable, and they do not suddenly become expendable when those young women become young mothers.” 

Consenting to sex doesn’t revoke a woman’s right to education.  Consenting to a pregnancy doesn’t revoke her right to an education.  Access to education is not predicated upon successful use of a condom or ability to procure an abortion while struggling to meet other daily needs.  Access to education is not predicated upon the happenstance of not being raped.  Parenting doesn’t revoke her right to an education.  Having less access to privilege than a white middle-class woman with familial support (and child-care) doesn’t revoke her right to an education.

I’ve said it before and apparently I get to keep saying it:  Rights are for all.  If only some have access to them, then they are privileges, and privileges can be taken away.

And I’ll be damned if I’m going to live in a world where access to education is a privilege (more so than it already is).

04.25.2011 // Leave a comment // Continue Reading »

A Pence for Your Thoughts

Written by Michelle Lester Bell February 18, 2011

I’m seeing a lot of ridiculous statements being flung about on-line regarding the Pence Amendment to H.R. 1.  So, here are some quick facts.

Planned Parenthood does provide abortions.  Tax-payer funding of Planned Parenthood does NOT fund abortions (Fuck you very much, Hyde Amendment).  Let me repeat this for those slow in catching on:  100% of the federal funding Planned Parenthood gets goes towards non-abortion health care services.  The Pence Bill is seeking to defund Planned Parenthood is not going to stop tax-payer funded abortions (which doesn’t exist… fuck you very much Hyde Amendment).  So let’s check that piece of baggage at the door.

Here’s what this bill will do.  The Pence Amendment, by defunding Planned Parenthood, will stop a reliable provider from being able to offer low-income or free OB/GYN services, STI testing, basic health and reproductive education and care, and access to birth control.  It will stop a point of access for low-income prenatal services to women pregnant and seeking health pregnancies. 

As some of you know from a Facebook rant (why aren’t you friends with me yet?) I don’t qualify for medicaid and don’t have health insurance that will cover doctor’s visits.  N and I jokingly refer to it as “fall of the cliff” insurance – as in, you fall of a cliff, at least we’ll only be $10,000 in debt.  I use Planned Parenthood services for basic reproductive healthcare needs.  So it would be awesome if you called your Senators and told them to not put up with this bullshit.  If the web is more your thing, Planned Parenthood has a form letter here. 

And if you really want to see me rant, why don’t we sit down over a beer and discuss the Hyde Amendment.

02.18.2011 // Leave a comment // Continue Reading »

Drinking. While Pregnant.

Written by Michelle Lester Bell October 25, 2010

There was a study that recently came out (pdf) that seems to show that women having an occasional glass of alcohol during pregnancy were not impacting the health of their children.  Granted, there are some issues with the methodology of the study (as the authors themselves point out); light alcohol consumption within the study is associated with an advantaged group of women in relationship to the other participants of the study, unfairly biasing the results towards finding this group as the best outcome.  They also don’t seem to differentiate between consumption during early pregnancy and consumption during late pregnancy.  But it’s quite interesting, and does seem to suggest that light drinking (defined as one to two ounces of alcohol per week or on occasion) does not cause the impact to fetuses that was assumed.  It’s also got a lot of people and institutions really twisted in knots.

That’s not entirely true.  The people and institutions that were twisted in knots before this study came out; there just wasn’t research that suggested there’s a difference between heavy drinking and light drinking, in terms out pregnancy outcomes.  This study forces some of the perspective on pregnant women, their bodies, and their rights into the media, and the existing paternalism comes out in force.  The Mayo Clinic, on their pregnancy information page, has this gem: “One drink isn’t likely to hurt your baby, but no level of alcohol has been proved safe during pregnancy. The safest bet is to avoid alcohol entirely.”

Putting aside the ridiculous nature of that statement (those of us of childbearing age who have issues with regulation of alcohol probably know it and can make choices accordingly; those of us who have issues and don’t know it probably aren’t going to be swayed to halt consumption of alcohol regardless of what the research says), it provides a rather enlightening view into how pregnant women and their bodies are looked at.  Specifically about what is considered “safe” and what is taboo.

Because alcohol is something that women choose to put into their bodies, it can be “controlled”.  Therefore, anything that goes “wrong” during a pregnancy in which a woman consumed alcohol… well, it wouldn’t have happened if you just didn’t drink (eat cold cuts, drive in a car, expose yourself to smoke/poor air quality, work so hard, work not enough, get stressed, be fat, have an addiction, blah blah blah)!  Bullshit.  If we truly were concerned about what was in women’s bodies and the impact that has on the fetus, we’d be looking at environmental loads of chemicals and the adverse effects these things have on the body.  We’d be looking at the medicine we put into bodies during pregnancy, during labour, and in the immediate postpartum period; we’d be looking at how these things effected breastfeeding.  We’d look at the social constructs that colour what choices women make.

This commotion about a study that says maybe drinking isn’t all bad all the time is grounded in two things: fear and denial.

This fear is the same flavour of fear that prompt people to fight against women’s autonomy and choice.  It’s the fear that causes people to stand outside of clinics, pleading, demanding that women don’t exercise their autonomy over their bodies.  It’s the fear that causes the medical system to treat women as slabs of meat that incubate a fetus into a baby.  Fear of women’s sexuality, sensuality, of their bodies.  Fear of the power that we all get to hold, in the little miracle that is ourselves.

It’s also fear (and denial springing from that fear) that maybe we’re not in control over everything.  That we could do everything “right” and still not have it turn out “right”.  That you exercise, eat well, have a healthy and happy pregnancy and still end up with a “deformed” baby.  Hate to break it to you, but sometimes shit happens.  Sometimes, control is an illusion.

10.25.2010 // 1 Comment // Continue Reading »

Political Fuckery

Written by Michelle Lester Bell October 21, 2010

If by politics we mean lies and propaganda. 

I can’t say I’m surprised that this is what is running in Colorado.  Especially not after the ridiculousness that was their

I had thought of going through and refuting the claims made in this video.  That ridiculous, and ultimately futile.  Those effected by this ad won’t listen to a damn thing I say, as I’m not a WorldNetDaily or FoxNews “reporter”. 

I show this, because I want those who consider themselves “pro-life” to really think about where their money, time, and effort goes.  To see what they are funding.  This is a movement that lies repeatedly, in which the ends justify the means, where life is traded for the possibility of life.

This is why I cannot offer trust, cannot engage in constructive dialogue, cannot be anything less that suspicious when it comes to those calling themselves pro-life.  Because it means support for that message and misinformation above.

(By the way, if you don’t read Unrepentant Old Hippie, you should.  JJ is a blast, has some excellent insight into the USian politics and their ridiculousness from across the border, and if I’m half as awesome as her at any point in my life, I’ll be doing just fine.)  (Also, JJ, if you read this, I’ll buy you a beverage of your choice if we ever happen to meet.  Least I can do for the laughs you’ve given me.)

10.21.2010 // Leave a comment // Continue Reading »

Hysteria & Therapeutic Services

Written by Michelle Lester Bell October 04, 2010

Did you know that “hysteria” was recognised as a legitimate medical diagnosis until 1952?

Did you also happen to know that it was one of the most diagnosed chronic conditions in the United States and UK?

Wanna take a guess at what the symptoms of this disease were?  “anxiety, sleeplessness, irritability, nervousness, erotic fantasy, sensations of heaviness in the abdomen, lower pelvic edema, and vaginal lubrication”.

Huh.  That sounds an awfully lot like sexual frustration.  Doesn’t it?

Wonder what the therapeutic services that were offered were for this medical diagnosis?  Vulvular massage?  Ha! 

Bwahahahaha.

I will have something of more substance to say on this later.  But wow I really needed to get that out of my system.

10.04.2010 // Leave a comment // Continue Reading »

Can We Talk About That?

Written by Michelle Lester Bell September 29, 2010

I’m at the pre-conference to the ICEA/Lamaze 50th Anniversary Mega Conference.  I’m super excited to be here and am learning a lot.   I could not teach a day of class, and I’d be grateful I came.  My doula clients will benefit from my time spent here, and that is worth the investment.  The teachers are fabulous and I’ll be happy if one day, I’m even a tiny bit as effective, passionate and wise as the three women who offered up their experience today.

The group that was assembled here today came from a multitude of backgrounds.  Some had their own children.  Some had children having children, delighting in the addition of new roles in their life.  Others had devoted a portion of their life to nursing careers, juggling the demands of patients and doctors.  Some seemed to see working with women as a calling, while others saw this merely as a way to support their families.  They were all really nice ladies, very warm and very knowledgeable.

I did have a bit of a shock after several hours of getting to know my peers.  I realise that I live a very charmed life, when it comes to the people I work with and their “progressive” stance (or at least stance of tolerance and compassion for those unlike themselves).  I forget that my pro-choice world view is a radical stance within this community; I forgot that fat women aren’t supposed to be having babies; I forgot that people with disabilities, people who have a darker or “exotic” skin colour, or people who “can’t afford their children” aren’t supposed to have reproductive choice.

Some phrases or conversations I had (or eavesdropped on):

“You expect the illegals to do math and read?  Ha!  Not happening.  This won’t work in my community.  I simply cannot do an exercise like that.”  The exercise was exploring how we are all at mercy at the “roll of a dice” when it comes to our labours.  We do not get to choose the cards we are dealt in when labours start, how long they are, and what is going on in our lives.  I’m certain we can come up with an exercise that imparts that lesson, even if it doesn’t use math or require reading.

“Fat women have no business having babies.  They should wait until they’re healthy.  And if they are going to have a baby, they can’t possibly expect me to touch their bodies?!  Eww, gross.  I’m not touching that.”  If the discomfort you feel for someone else is that intense, I’d kindly suggest you evaluate your feelings around this.  Especially if your goal is to help women have their babies in as empowering way as possible.  Fat women are women. Women have babies.  Women need love, reassurance, assistance, care, warmth, compassion, nourishment for body, mind and emotion.  Being fat does not negate these needs.  These needs are probably more intensely felt — we are women who are told that our bodies are full of failure.  We are told that we are broken, discarded husks of people, not worthy of real love or personhood.  Every woman who is birthing her baby is in a position of vulnerability, and disgust and judgment are not helpful in assisting a woman who is vulnerable.  Trust, love and compassion are helpful.

“People with the gay are unfit to be parents.  I don’t want to allow lesbians or gay people into my class.  It’s just not natural.”  The phrase “the gay” makes me giggle just a bit.  I laughed at this person’s turn of phrase.  Perhaps that was a bit rude of me.  In all seriousness, people who work with women don’t get to choose the lifestyles of the women they assist.  We do not get to belittle their choices in life, even if we would make a different choice.  Especially as a childbirth educator, your mission is to help a family learn to navigate the system, to figure out what works best with their family structure, to be able to make good choices for their family!  It is not to judge them.  Also, if you’re claiming to be evidence-based and you make statements such as the above, there’s some real cognitive dissonance going on.

I completely understand that these statements are not reflective of birth workers as a whole; there are a lot of women-friendly, LGBTQ-friendly, HAES, privilege-aware people out there that work with women during their childbearing year.  I’m just… sad at these statements.  It makes me weepy, sad that well-meaning people can do such harm with their words, deeds, and prejudice.

I can think of worse than sad, though.  I fear the day when I am not saddened or taken aback by these statements.  I fear the day I become complacent.

09.29.2010 // 1 Comment // Continue Reading »

Science and Bras, IgNobel style.

Written by Michelle Lester Bell September 24, 2010

Bras.  They help keep breasts from jiggling painfully while you’re running, hold nursing pads close to keep the occasional milk spurt from ruining a favourite outfit, and now apparently can be used as emergency gas masks.

I absolutely love the IgNoble Prizes, and the above demonstration tickles me pink.

Sadly, they don’t seem to come in sizes other than B & C cup, so those of super busty women (or those of us with a little less bust) will have to make friends with our sisters who are endowed, but not TOO well endowed.

There actually is science behind this that’s kinda awesome – I can only hope that she gets cracking on making one for a slightly larger size, so that I, too, can be prepared in case I ever find myself in a hazardous air situation.

Also, I totally have to agree with Tracy Clark-Flory on this one.  “Break bra in case of emergency” would be a kick-ass t-shirt.

09.24.2010 // 2 Comments // Continue Reading »

It Gets Better

Written by Michelle Lester Bell September 22, 2010

Trigger warning for language & suicide.

I grew up in one of those ridiculously small towns, where everyone is in everyone else’s business, and not in a good way.  On a whole, the community is very conservative and intolerant* – I remember wanting to bring a friend who was a girl to a school dance, and being told that same-sex couples would not be admitted and that I could not bring her.  I remember there being scandal during a dance my senior year when some of the girls were slow-dancing with one another.  Because, sexual deviance** will lead to horrible bad things and the downfall of civilisation as we know it.

I was odd and quirky and had odd and quirky friends; a lot of shitty things happened or were said.

A lot of the insults that I received had to do with sexual orientation (feminist dyke might have been my favourite, because I think they were implying that I was a prude and a man-hater, which is kinda funny if you know me).  It didn’t really bother me, as I was fairly secure in my personhood and wasn’t having an integral part of my personhood being dismissed or denied or made deviant.  I cannot imagine what my response would have been if I had been interested in exploring sex with a woman at that time.  It might have been something akin to this.

I didn’t ever consider suicide (homicide, certainly, but never suicide) because I had examples of how things could be better once I “got out”.  Got out of the town, got away from the little fish swimming in little puddles, got out on my own and distanced myself from some of my family’s dysfunction.  I knew that it would get better.  I don’t know that I would have made it out if I hadn’t known it would get better.  Which is why I love this project.

So, things get better.  And if you need help getting to the point where it gets better, GLSEN may have people that you can connect with and if you’re needing someone to talk to right now, you can call 866.488.7386 and talk to someone from the Trevor Project. Hell, if you’re in the Michigan area, you can e-mail me and we can get together.  But do something — make sure you make it.  Living well is the best revenge.

*I’m unsure how much of my perception of the community as a whole being intolerant and prickish is because I was a teenager and how much of that was because they actually WERE prickish and intolerant.  And since we have only my word to go on, we’ll go with they really were prickish and intolerant.

** Approximately a quarter of my graduating class had children or were pregnant at the time of graduation.  I don’t think that girls dating other girls leads to pregnancy – pretty sure it was the abstinence-only education & unprotected penis-in-vagina sex that nailed the coffin on that one.

09.22.2010 // 3 Comments // Continue Reading »

Dawkins on Original Sin & Protest the Pope

Written by Michelle Lester Bell September 19, 2010

Joseph Ratzinger made some statements that likened a secular society to the “Nazi tyranny that wished to eradicate God from society and [deny] our common humanity to many”.

Dawkins had some things to say about that, original sin, and the Catholic’s denial of Hitler but counting of other baptism numbers.  You should listen.  In particular, this part, starting around 6:00:

Joseph Ratzinger is an enemy of humanity.

He is an enemy of children whose bodies he allowed to be raped and whose minds he has encouraged to be infected with guilt. It’s embarrassingly clear that the Church is less concerned with saving child bodies from rapists than with saving priestly souls from hell. And most concerned with saving the long-term reputation of the church itself.

He’s an enemy of gay people, bestowing upon them the sort of bigotry that his church used to reserve for Jews before 1962.

He’s an enemy of women, barring them from the priesthood, as if a penis was an essential tool for pastoral duties.

He’s an enemy of truth, promoting bare faced lies about condoms not protecting against AIDS, especially in Africa. 

I’ve written and rewritten this section a couple of different times, and can’t seem to come up with anything to add that isn’t angry and bitter and targeting specific people within my life that mean a great deal to me.  So I’ll leave it here and go take a fucking nap.  Mayhap I’ll write more on this later.

09.19.2010 // Leave a comment // Continue Reading »

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